Indiana Jones 5: The Shia-ing of Shia

Cast

Mutt Williams (Shia Labeouf)

Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford)

Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen)

Lyndon B Johnson (Arnold Schwarzenegger) 

Canibal King (Johnny Depp)

The year is 1966, Lyndon B. Johnson is president, the American Nazi Party is hitting it big, and last but not least, Indiana Jones is dead. Enter his funeral a somber gathering by the ocean. The crowd inncluded his wife, Marion, and their son, Mutt a gangster boy who was wearing his late father's now stolen hat, amongst other friends and relatives. Mutt wasn't at all surprised to  see "the old geezer" die,  he knew it was only a matter of time. Amongst the crowd emerged Lyndon B Johnson, the president! Mutt is surprised by his sudden appearance, and asks him, "wadda you want?" The president answers "I want to help you revive your father with a magical artifact. Come with me if you want him to live."  "I'd rather take my motorcycle." says an indignant Mutt "It's on an island in the Caribbean, you dumb!" says LBJ  "HE WILL NOT DIVIDE US!" Mutt says to his mother. "Stop whining and get to the chopper!" Says LBJ

On the chopper is 2 security guards, the pilot, LBJ, and now Mutt. Mutt says what are we lookin for? You'll see says LBJ. They get to the island and are confronted by a group of canibals. LBJ's security gaurds open fire, but are promptly eaten. Mutt challenges the canibals to a word fight. The dredlocked Canibal King moves forward, sword in hand, their sword fight goes off into the woods as Lyndon escapes kn his helicopter.

He had recovered a jar of dirt (and guess what's inside it.) When he arrived back at the gravesite, he emptied the jar to reveal Davy Jones's heart.  He had discovered that Indiana was a descendent of Davy Jones. As such, he would be able to mantain his heart and be captain of The Flying Dutchman. What LBJ could gain from this, to control Davy Jones was to control the sea, which would give him a strong advantage over Russia. He had his workers dig up the coffin, when the got to the coffin and opened it up, nothing. There was nothing in it, the body was gone! LBJ didn't know what happened, it was just there during the funeral. Then he looked out to the horizon and saw The Black Pearl being sailed away by Captain Hector Barbosa (as played by Geoffry  Rush.) He had a smirk on his face, he had Indiana Jones's body! As LBJ gawked at the scene, Jack the Monkey ran by him and snatched Davy Jones's heart from his hand. The president astounded told his pilot that they needed to go back to The White House and he must be going insane. On The Black Pearl, Barbosa brought Indiana back to life via Davy Jones heart. Then the crew set sail for Canibal Island in search of Jack Sparrow. Meanwhile on the island there was a grand feast of flesh in honor of the tribe's newest arrival, Actual Canibal Shia Labeouf!

Next Time: Shia Labeouf: At World's End