Indiana Jones 5: The Shia-ing of Shia

Cast

Mutt Williams (Shia Labeouf)

Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford)

Marion Ravenwood (Karen Allen)

Lyndon B Johnson (Arnold Schwarzenegger) 

Canibal King (Johnny Depp)

The year is 1966, Lyndon B. Johnson is president, the American Nazi Party is hitting it big, and last but not least, Indiana Jones is dead. Enter his funeral a somber gathering by the ocean. The crowd inncluded his wife, Marion, and their son, Mutt a gangster boy who was wearing his late father's now stolen hat, amongst other friends and relatives. Mutt wasn't at all surprised to  see "the old geezer" die,  he knew it was only a matter of time. Amongst the crowd emerged Lyndon B Johnson, the president! Mutt is surprised by his sudden appearance, and asks him, "wadda you want?" The president answers "I want to help you revive your father with a magical artifact. Come with me if you want him to live."  "I'd rather take my motorcycle." says an indignant Mutt "It's on an island in the Caribbean, you dumb!" says LBJ  "HE WILL NOT DIVIDE US!" Mutt says to his mother. "Stop whining and get to the chopper!" Says LBJ

On the chopper is 2 security guards, the pilot, LBJ, and now Mutt. Mutt says what are we lookin for? You'll see says LBJ. They get to the island and are confronted by a group of canibals. LBJ's security gaurds open fire, but are promptly eaten. Mutt challenges the canibals to a word fight. The dredlocked Canibal King moves forward, sword in hand, their sword fight goes off into the woods as Lyndon escapes kn his helicopter.

He had recovered a jar of dirt (and guess what's inside it.) When he arrived back at the gravesite, he emptied the jar to reveal Davy Jones's heart.  He had discovered that Indiana was a descendent of Davy Jones. As such, he would be able to mantain his heart and be captain of The Flying Dutchman. What LBJ could gain from this, to control Davy Jones was to control the sea, which would give him a strong advantage over Russia. He had his workers dig up the coffin, when the got to the coffin and opened it up, nothing. There was nothing in it, the body was gone! LBJ didn't know what happened, it was just there during the funeral. Then he looked out to the horizon and saw The Black Pearl being sailed away by Captain Hector Barbosa (as played by Geoffry  Rush.) He had a smirk on his face, he had Indiana Jones's body! As LBJ gawked at the scene, Jack the Monkey ran by him and snatched Davy Jones's heart from his hand. The president astounded told his pilot that they needed to go back to The White House and he must be going insane. On The Black Pearl, Barbosa brought Indiana back to life via Davy Jones heart. Then the crew set sail for Canibal Island in search of Jack Sparrow. Meanwhile on the island there was a grand feast of flesh in honor of the tribe's newest arrival, Actual Canibal Shia Labeouf!

Next Time: Shia Labeouf: At World's End

Battlebots GameBoy Advance Review

I'm going to be reviewing Battlebots for the Gameboy advance. The game obviously is based off of the Battlebots TV series in which people create robots and fight them. This game had a bit of controvesry on it's release in 2002, Wikipedia has it all so I'll let it explain it to you. "BattleBots: Design & Destroy was released on December 10, 2002 for the Game Boy Advance. It was stated that the game was the sequel to BattleBots: Beyond the BattleBox; but it actually is the same game released under a different name, albeit with some bugs fixed. It was possible that the game was released to pick up sales from gamers mistaking it for the PC game Robot Arena 2: Design & Destroy."

 So, yeah the game is a total scam, but it still might be fun. There are definitely problems with this game, including the fact that it only has a select number of bots to choose from in brawl mode which is the most fun, but they split them up into classes and you're basically going to lose if you you don't pick the one good one in the class which makes it overpowered. Another problem I came across was it being very hard and dying after one hit, but that was due to my game being in simulation mode instead of arcade. In tournament mod, which is basically the career mode you can make your own bot and fight, that mode is ok. 

The only other mode is wired multiplayer mode, which due to my lack of a GBA connection cord I didn't play. The graphics in this game are a huge problem, they are very blurry and hard to make out what it is you are battling with. The actual controls are a bit hard to figure out and you can't zoom in or out to see the whole arena other than seeing your opponents bot. The AI isn't good and won't even attack you if you are too far away or in a corner or something. I played this game expecting an ok Battlebots experience after watching the new ABC reboot show, with awesome stuff, such as smashing drones with rakes, I was heavily let down by this game. If I ever play this again it would be maybe one quick brawl match if I'm bored. I would rate this game as a whole a 3/10.

 All of this said, Battlebots does have potential in video games as shown by this footage for this canceled PS2 and Gamecube game, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5Hqnuo6u3s
And with the new reboot I would really like to see a great Battlebots game, but this isn't it.

Shrek Fanfic: Hanukkah Adventure

Notice: This is my first short story to be published on the blog, it references jewish culture, people, and holidays. I do not mean it anti-semitcly and do hope no one is offended. :) The typos are deliberate for humor. This doesn't take place in any particular time in the Shrek timeline, other than after this first film.

Shrek: Hanukkah Adventure

            Shrek and Donkey were hitting the street to do a hanukah celebrate with the jews they were friendly with. Shrek found the jew boyz, they were Shrek's boyz, he hung with da jew hood. Steven was a great movie-maker and story-teller. He was tired of making movies for all of his jew boy, he wanted somewone else to tell a story through film. Shrek was a brave men, that wanted to make a film after starring in 4 of his own. Shrek knew just the film to make, he would make a hanukkah themed movie about the best hanukkah he ever had, when he cheated on Fiona. The story went this way, Shrek was going unto town to get his hoes, Shrek always got hoes, but he gave them to Donkey. After Dunky wuz done with hoes, Shrek took them out back and shot em. Shrek saw a good hoe this time tumb it was Ms. Marvel, his muslim boy. Shrek thot Fiona wuz dum so he said to Fiona, "I gotta ho, suck ma!" Fiona didn't like, so Shrek took her out back and shot her. [Exit the film] Steven, Donkey, and all of Shrek's other jew boys burst into applause for the great film. The film went on to win every Oscar that year, yes every Oscar, even categories it didn't fit into technically. But some voted against the might of Shrek's film. Shrek took them out back and shot em. Shrek hadn't got every critic of him though, like his anime counterparts he must cleanse the world, but until then he would relish in the joy of the lead he put in the now rotten corpse once so lively portrayed by Cameron Diaz. 

       "Shrek!" Fiona exclaimed! Shrek was jumping for joy because of a great dream he had. "What was your dream about, Shrek?" Fiona asked. "I don't know." Shrek said as he walked out of his hut with Fiona for some air. But, he did know and he was enjoying the thought as he cocked his semi-automatic pistol and walked outside with his wife. 

The End.